Venice...Neil...Gelato

So, I was asked recently whether or not I'm really as angry as I come off in these blogs. You'll be happy to know that I'm not actually this angry...I'm angrier. I'm just toning it down for all your sakes.

Okedokey, two nights ago we were out in Venice doing the things people do in Venice, such as walking around, getting lost, kicking pidgeons, and enjoying the occasional sewage waft from the canals. We'd just come from dinner where I had a beautiful little meal called the pizza Americana. This was a pizza, with french fries as toppings. It was amazing...I also love how it's called the Americana, when you'd never see such a monstrosity in America. Anyways. Next comes the mandatory gelato desert. (Don't get the idea that were eating a lot by this story either, believe I am always hungry, and my moods are always at the mercy of the food I eat, and of the last time I ate, it's ridiculous). And back when we were in Rome, John made some comment that sounded something like 'next time I get gelato, I'm not skimping out, I'm going all the way, I'm getting a waffle cone packed to the brim'. So that's what we did. We found a gelato place and each got a huge waffle cone pack with four scoops of gelato.

I should preface this by saying that before this point it had been awhile since our last bit of dairy intake, so for lunch we each got two cups of yogurt from the supermarket. Now those of you who know Neil, know that Neil can only handle so much dairy before bad things happen to Neil and his stomach. (It is still Neil writing this, I was just seeing how that whole third person thing would go). But don't worry that's not where this story is going. So John and I both have these enormous gelato cones piled high with enough ice cream to feed an entire school of young children. Anyways, about 1 of the four scoops into my gargantuan cone of gelato, I start to feel like I'm in that episode of Jackass where the brilliant jackassers were trying to see how much milk they could drink in like 10 minutes. But that's also not where this story is going.

So I have this monstrous cone of ice cream, and no more dairy capacity in my stomach. But what I'm I gonna do with it, I'm not just gonna throw it away... f*$# that, I paid 2 and a half euro for that bitch so I'm gonna use it up one way or another. So I'm eating this thing, when the cone cracks and the huge pile of ice cream was inches from falling onto the ground. But I saved it. Then, big John has an idea, apparently a funny one, because it takes him about five minutes to explain it through fits of laughter. It wasn't so much an idea as it was a 'wouldn't it be funny if' type of story. But I decide it'd be a nice acting challenge, so I'd perform the idea and John would film it from a distance.

So I run with my nearly full, busted up gelato cone around the corner, and John starts filming once I'm set up in place. Here's how it goes down, and this is all planned as you can tell. So I start walking in this crowded narrow street with patio restaurants on each side. I'm walking with my gelato, I go to lick it, and to the observer, my cone appears to break, and my mountain of gelato starts falling...I try to catch it...it bounces off both hads and plops down smack in the middle of the street. And in a really loud pissed off voice I yell Ohhhhh man!!!! then I throw the rest of the cone on the ground as hard as I could. Everyone stopped and looked over, a couple guys even said some shit in italian to me, then I stormed off with my head down, and threw my napkin on the ground as hard as I could and wandered down the street. Man it was hilarious, all these elderly people eating there nice dinners in these hoity toity restaurants are suddenly interrupted by a seemingly stupid clumsy North American.

John and I figured everyone around would have a nice funny Venice story to tell everyone because of us...and we'd have it on tape...It was hilarious. Ahhh good times.