Mullets, Diets, and Post-Coital Cigarettes

Good title... oh and I did it again, make sure you read John's post which will be right underneath mine because I started mine once again 2 seconds after he did

Why are mullets coming back? That's what I wanna know and NOW! When I say mullets, I'm sure that most of you are picturing the very small slightly stylish mini-mullet, not unlike the one that I have inadvertantly grown over the past five weeks. But no...that's not what I'm talking about at all. That's not how the euros roll. I'm talking about the full-on, redneck, I've got a nascar sticker on my car, straight out of the trailer, should be extinct by now...80's mullet. Now you're thinking 'But Neil, some of those stuck in the eighties redneck types are also in europe.' Maybe there are and maybe there aren't but that's not what I'm talking about. These are young people, wearing stylish clothes, and aviator sunglasses, and they are sporting the full on, perfect, short in the front, long in the back mullet...................Why? I mean I was warned about the abundance of the faux-hawks and fake DG glasses, but I was not prepared to be seeing this much mullet in such a short period of time.

If your plan is to lose weight, get rid of the nice layer around the old abdoms, here's how to do it. It is the very simple euro diet. Eat hardly anything and walk 10 to 15 miles a day - or for eight hours, whichever comes first. I admit, even I've had trouble sticking to the euro diet. And here are some things that might trip you up in your quest for that skin and bones traveller look. Avoid not eating breakfast and lunch, because you will binge when it comes to dinner time, and that's just too expensive. If you love food, one thing I strongly suggest: is to not go into supermarkets. They are dangerous, they are packed with food, pretty much anything you can think of and it's not that expensive. Because you might end up buying 6 mars bars just because they cost 2 euros. Or buy 2 boxes of cereal that you can't carry, and that you certainly can't eat. And if you fancy yourself a beer drinker, avoid the supermarket at all costs. Let me put it this way, 660mL of Heineken for 1.25.........trouble. Do you even know how many calories are in beer. Having a supermarket around, is like someone offering you free beer, or cheap beer, like draft night at cowboys - just because something is cheap or free, does not mean you need to have it!

And lastly for today, you know when you see a couple that are just way too into eachother and consequently are all over eachother. Well, there is one such couple staying at our hostel. When you see one such couple you might bust out a line like 'get a room'. However, when you bust out the whole 'get a room' line, you make the assumption right off the bat that 'the room' you've told them to go to...isn't going to be your room. Well in this case it was my room. Let me set this up some more by saying that the girl half of this couple is very unpleasant. I mean unpleasant in every way. You know those girls who aren't quite there looks wise but are one of those personality-plus types. Well that's not this girl. She's unpleasant to look at, listen to, be around, and the personality is grade A douche baggian.

Aaaanyways. I wake up this morning because the other two guys in our room are packing up to leave. Oh, by the way, unlike all our other hostels, there are nothing but guys at this hostel, it's a huge sausage fest. One of these guys incidently is a big-time sleep talker. This guys holds both sides of conversations with himself...in his sleep, he also cheers, hoots, hollers, and even busts out evil laughs, which can be kind of terrifying at 4 in the morning. Wow, I got hugely sidetracked there, someone just yelled 'Digression' at me from the book Catcher in the Rye. Anyways, so I'm awake because sleep talker and his buddy are packing their shit as loud as possible. And their shit is allll over the place too. So much so that in the packing mele, sleep talker managed to take my balled up sock out of my shoe and toss it across the room....I have not idea. So I'm awake because of this non-sense. They're doing this for a good half hour until they leave. In the meantime, I've grabbed my sansa and I'm listening to a few songs; a little Jack Johnson to relax my anger at sleep talkers. I'm relaxing in bed when the doucherama show exits the room; I'm almost drifting back to sleep when I lazily open my eyes and see, in the bottom bunk across from me, some rustling of the sheets. You see what I did there, you all had completely forgotten about the overly affectionate unpleasant girl and her manslave. I initially don't think much this rustling of sheets, maybe the manslave is just turning over in his sleep. But I open my eyes all the way to see that the unpleasant girl is not in her top bunk...where is she? And if you guys haven't figured out where this one's going, either I'm a terrible storyteller, or you guys need to give your heads a shake. As you suspected, she is underneath the sheets, causing the sheet rustling. These two are going at it. They weren't making a lot of noise or anything, she was probably just whispering sweet unpleasantnesses in his ear. It's 9am people. The sleeptalkers have just left, how much longer could John and I possibly sleep in for? an hour...maybe, then the room would've been empty, all theirs to do whatever they wanted in it. But they couldn't wait. They went at it, in the hostel, with other people in the room, at 9 am on a thursday. Now, it may have been different if this girl was a knockout, or not just overall-ly unpleasant, but that wasn't the case at all. Ridiculous right...wrong, what's ridiculous is that half an hour after the first...session...ended, another one started up again. And, at it they went again. So that's how my morning went down, listening to the unpleasant girl have unpleasant sex with her unpleasant manslave...twice. And after all this, the unpleasant girl rolled off her man slave and lit a post-coital cigarette.......................................Alright so the cigarette thing was a lie, but the rest was absolutely true; I just liked that for the title.